revelation at 0400am

revelation

4am or one hour before the
beginning of the end of time
and i feel a sad dream falling
slowly through dimly lit trees like
petals of white papers with black
words touching innocent sheets
on the line in the shadows between
truth and deception, good and bad
melting into an aged rain that
bathes the grass at dawn with
the spit of shallow weeds and
medicated repetition as the
so[u]l[e]s of my shoes become the
legs of my jeans and the day/i
surface[s] gasping for air and light

5am another inch of time creeps out
of fragments of broken monuments to
step forward into fragile enlightenment
trembling under fresh green skies
orange horizons fall eternally backward
into silver ribbons of sun awake

6am sweep the patio clean,
lie to the earth, swallow the spaces
stop chasing citrus thoughts with
bittersweet aftertastes and just
gather up all the blue lemons,
add happiness, stir, and
make some lemonade.

copyright JANEisnotplain 7.09

---from the 0330am series

abstract

abstract

hotel room. i am lying. on the bed.
my brain. connections sparking in
my eyes. a black berry stain. on a
white dress. altered. a butterfly in-
side a glass bottle. transparent.con-
tain[t]ed. chaos is beautiful.like the
strings on a cello.floating face down.
black cat. green skeletons. blue air.
fog. rain. sunshine.twice. the sunshine.

JANEisnotplain 0325am 5.8.09

expose

expose

to bare
to confess
to disclose
to divulge
to exhibit
to lay open
to make known
to present
to reveal
to show
to view
to unveil
to unmask
to uncover

there is implied danger and vulnerability in exposure
yet, there is a certain freedom in choosing exposure

JANEisnotplain 4.18.09

self portrait #25: artist

self portrait #25 : artist


as an artist, i live,
by necessity, on
slim hope and/or
fickle inspiration
so luckless paths
are no stranger to
me. when i discover
my partner is dead
i just go on alone.


JANEisnotplain 4.13.09

in reference to the current state of medicine.

de-fragmented

de-fragmented


the keyboard is unfeeling and
the words are darwinian evolutions
perhaps even freudian re-volutions

there is only the exit and the clock
the monitor no longer sees or saves

self

i am
this file
is un-solvable
or should that be salvageable?

up-grades, up-dates, down-loads
automate, populate, disseminate

my mind ticks and clicks
while it waits for its reboot


JANEisnotplain 4.09

insomniac writings at 0323am

self portrait # 21 : free time

self portrait # 21 : free time


my soul is made of tissue paper and words that
i have dreamed of capturing on paper to set me

free

i am a thousand faces in a crowded street
following in footsteps that have not yet been made
i reach for trees from porch steps to feel their glow
sink into my rhythm and imbibe their colors
i inhale the soft ocean and exhale hues and shades
i like to watch the sky connect the clouds of mind
dancing in doorways connecting joy and discord
i fall inside/outside the patterns of repetitious heartbeats
singing an echo of an ever changing life-

time

JANEisnotplain 3.27.09

completed while enjoying the ocean in miami

self portrait #35: thirty-five

self portrait # 35 : thirty five


each new year is
crowding out the last.

soon, i’ll be alone in
a room full of selves
i have never met.


JANEisnotplain 3.19.09

happy birthday

stain

stain

you never think of
the fruit of a rose
the flower is too dark
and wonderful and you
forget its only a prelude.

rose hips stain the snow
now,like blood splatter and
you should be warned that
her kiss will leave toxins
soaking in your skin.


JANEisnotplain 2.09

1.20.09 CHANGE

1.20.09 CHANGE


every everything
is available to
every [thing and] one

abstract concrete
hidden showing
[time space]
conservation symmetry
united survival

we are happy and sad
hopeful and desperate
by choice of thought
observation and attention

this is a magnificent and
sobering responsibility

now is then and
this is now and
intelligent people
[places things]
realize now and then
is never ever
[always]

JANEisnotplain 1.20.09

on the inauguration of america’s first black president

i miss

i miss making her smile, dancing on her toes, sharing a meal. i miss late night journies, hot showers together. i miss holding her until she fell asleep, waking up to her music. i miss her touch, feeling safe in her arms. i miss her voice, her eyes, the way she made me feel. i miss her hands, her laugh, her stomach, her stubbornness. i miss the way my heart would pound when she walked in the room. i miss being in love with my best friend.

there is something about her that makes the spaces of my heart seem insufficient.
but she must know this: that i am neither gullible nor blind.
i know what she did, and i know who she did it with.
so what really is there to miss?

JANEisnotplain 1.09

self portrait #13

self portrait # 13

i am i and no one else.
i am the sum of atoms and
a sum of seconds. i cannot
transfer completely to someone else.

i string words with care
and pisceanly realize that
things can be communicated in
other more complete ways.

i have depth of beauty in form and ideas.
i am not a highheelstitbitch.
i wear flats among dandelions
and sometimes that is all.

art saves me from science. and
science saves me from art.

i have all the right potentials.
i just need an equal to
close circles in me.


JANEisnotplain 12.26.08

for the want ad project

mathematics

mathematics


mathematics is considered a dry discipline
depleted of life. devoid of emotion.
alive in weird scientific minds.
guarded by chaos.

mathematics is a higher order
of clarity and holy reference
a swirl of countable channels
for primitive line segments to
manifest in didactic series
of misguided well intentioned
left-handed-ness.

but mathematics really is a
beautiful means of calculating
abstract concepts infinite-ly
intense non-sense on the
relationship binding slope
of tangent line to the area
below the curve to the unseen
notion of sums overflowing
with wanting.

mathematics is simply beautifully complex


JANEisnotplain 12.8.08

November 4, 2008

November 4, 2008

obama. hopefulness. past present future. a humbling beginning. emotional light-headedness. a tingling reality. mania. vibrance, resonance, reciprocity. the un-calm of a generation. limitless.

JANEisnotplain 11.08

"BLACK AND WHITE"

this project explores the idea of color and the emotions that colors evoke. combining the theory of chromotherapy and text, this project is intended to push the audiences boundaries and comfort zones utilizing only two very minimal colors.

please share


JANEisnotplain october08




"BLACK & WHITE"

VALEDICTION

Valediction

dear r:

there are mornings i dive deep beneath my consciousness
and hammer until solid at things that i will say when
i catch you unguarded and surrendering to my presence
[ as i surrendered to you].

hypothetically, this moment is ours
but if i approach you from inside
[as you approached me]
with my hands around your neck
[as yours were around mine]
and lean in to allow the light to reflect from
my eyes will reflect in yours.
cheek bones in slow contact,
brushing you with trepidation
[“so close, but how?”]

valediction.

i have nothing to say.
i have only to remind you
that you were never up to me.


copyright JANEisnotplain 10.08

gut rehab

gut rehab



this moment was coming.

tearing everything in half
was necessary. [love] things spilled
onto the floor. marbles fell and
scattered, rolling out of the door.

the pots and pans clanged,
papers shuffled, years built
collapsed.

i tried to super glue, nail,
hammer, cement and screw.

i will sandpaper, shim,
and paint until nothing
original is recognizable
anymore.


copyright JANEisnotplain 9.08

on trying to live after R.

Reflections

Reflections

i am trying to understand how your heart operates. it is a remarkable machine, hurriedly competing over scarce resources, including, but not limited to, love by way of lust.

you are devoid of power, devoid of control, snatching it wherever you find it unguarded. and this stands as a barrier to your ability to participate in love.

you live life with a suspect heart that is manifested in a dramaturgic analysis of love within love.

and you can come, and come, and come to the same conclusions as i:

this is no longer [about] love.
this is not [about] humanity.

this is anthropology.
this is science.

the solution to your love[less] life is:

a redemption of the infrastructure of your heart as it is operating from finite resources, including but not limited to physically and emotionally violent men.

it is volcanic, an eruption for disaster.
it has turned your heart blue, then olive, gray, orange, then cold, steel.

my obsession with your machination proved to be detrimental to my survival, you see. i found little truth on which to live in your mechanical metal heart and so died. but not before seeing a reflection in the mirror of its hardened walls.

yes. you, and i, we were real. but my time as your tortured heart has become exhausted, outmoded.

and as you read the cold disconnect of my words, i am sure that you feel me in a way that you never felt me before. you won’t feel me again.

copyright JANEisnotplain 9.08

self portrait #15: post r

self portrait #15: post r

vital signs


pulse: irregular; uneven

pressure: heavy ; onerous

respirations: shallow; choking

saturation: depleted; empty

temperature: hot; cold



physical exam

head: unclear; with evidence of trauma

eyes: crying; unfocused

heart: bruised; some parts absent

lungs: black; unclean

abdomen: ulcerated; raw

extremities: amputated; immobile

neurologic: short circuited


assessment/impression

septic

decaying

dying

copyright JANEisnotplain 9.08

CUT

cut

my eyes are red from the inside out from the way my brain is crying
they are lodged like a smoke clogged traffic jam in my throat
i can feel the poison, invisible as it is, creep into my lungs
a cold monoxide of frozen blue/black preying on the warmth of heart

i wish i could cremate my heart and jump start it with the fuel of ashes
blow the black flakes everywhere and make it snow with fire

i want to escape these veins, these millions of capillaries which
soak my essence like a sponge, a vampire of foaming hexagons that
hold hostage my blood, the compassion that is my greatest pain

i want it out, this feel[th]ing someone has left in me
maybe just another sigh, another cough just to
blow my soul out like a forest through the eye of a needle

i am distracted throughout the day
i keep forgetting that i am supposed to talk, walk
and let the electricity run courses through my circuits
turn off, turn around, or turn the corner

i only wanted to fill my spaces with birds and trees,
flowers and butterflies that would sing me lullabies
and cradle me like the only baby doll in the world

instead i am coming close to roaming where the
periods mingle with the question marks

she cut me.
how could she?
how could she cut me?
out.

copyright JANEisnotplain 8.28.08

on the end of what i thought was true.

dear r: 8.16.08

8.16.08


dear r:

it was just the two of us
our sex and our despair
all day (accompanied by
a few other pleasures, sins).

photographs and shots, just
bits of pretending to be okay
for moments at a time.

there was dancing and singing
there was food and music but
mostly, there were lots of things
under the surface that cannot
be explained or simplified
under the influence of anything
more than a certain pain that
mostly goes unspoken because
words are just too simple.

JANEisnotplain 8.16.08

on not making love, i know its over.

monophyletic evolution

love + natural selection = evolution




life. domain. kingdom.
phylum. class. order.


p2 + 2 p q + q2 = 1


family. genus. species.
hybrid. variety. Aberration.




JANEisnotplain 7.08

where p is the frequency of dominant
where q is the frequency of recessive

self portrait # 18

self portrait # 18




how do [we]/i define [our] my
SELF?


[ i .] as a perversion of sub-consciousness


[ii.] as an abstract discovery of continuity implicitly plicate with complexity


[iii.] as a metamorphosis forthcoming







JANEisnotplain 6.21.08

self portrait #17

self portrait #17



i don’t consider [my] Self
to be [any] Thing or Person
in partic[u]le [ar] other than
[my]Self




yet here i am in my
physical reality relying
on this existence of
all matter in order to
continue to matter
no matter the person
or partic[u]le [ar]
[con] sequence
my matter will never
be destroyed but rather
assimilated into infinite
energy embraced by
matter [less] external consciousness




i am
where time and space are
just monitors of infinity
[no] Thing[s] exists singly
but as particles of
awareness and [Be]ing that
transcends making [Be]lieve






in [my] Self





JANEisnotplain 6.08

ohm's law

ohm’s law



I = V/R

current, flow, tide, now , existing, present, [oc]curence= voltage, potential energy, conceiveable ability, aptitude, excitement, possiblity/ resistance, opposition, reluctance, antipathy, antagonism


P = V * I

power, influence, force, authority, passion, pleasure, love, will = voltage, potential energy, conceivable, ability, aptitude, excitement, possibility * current, flow, tide, now, existing, present,[oc]currence



JANEisnotplain 5.08

music & poetry

music and poetry


sometimes music is like hard poetry
obscure, obfuscating, obsidian
[un]familiar sounds composing

it sounds like god more
than like anything real

dante did not inspire me
but mahler chases dante
down the rabbit hole
like a slipping fugitive
running
tripping
shrieking
pursued by a maniacal
swarm of flutes and
one first violin
a devilish tritone
that pulls at your
heart explodes to
escape their chests
and lose the pulsing blast
of trombone on skin
low brass battling

sometimes poetry is like difficult music
straightened up with lofty analysis
adagietto, rondo, fugue

a symphonic poem of
harmonic tape
euphoric gauze
two bright cymbals
suspending in a paradise
the artist can
sometimes almost understand

sometimes music and poetry
are like [in] love


JANEisnotplain 5.10.08

dear r 5.3.08

5.3.08

dear r,

i imagine escaping like this
with laughter sealed in the hollow of your collar bone
and fingers on the friction slope of your lips
cursive kept under your tongue like a love letter

i want a rush of consonants and vowels
and footsteps i cant retrace

but instead i have
notebooks to balance with percentages
schedules to show up for on time
miles to cover without a breath
things to stumble under

i smile
i talk effervescence
but i still cant find enough cotton
to fill this small hole
which whistles with sadness when i exhale

i don’t remember how to live without you
but i am, i am, i am


JANEisnotplain 5.08



r's response

dear e,

i've imagined escaping like this
with laughter echoing through empty halls
and fingers on instruments that no one hears
my tongue moving with every solitary song

i want a rush of ideas and dreams
recorded to visit again and again

and now i have
schedules to show up for on time
routines to settle into
fresh air to breathe
balconies to relax on

i smile
i sing effervescence
i weave the rainbow of my dreams
around my aching heart
to heal the lonely spaces

i still live within you
and you are in me, in me, in me

photo by brian wiles

self portrait # 16

self portrait # 16

dear editor:

please accept this submission
not because [i]t is good but
because i am afraid of not being what they predicted
because i am a sparrow trying to fit in amongst lions
because i am more of a semi-colon than a period
because my poems are blown more like opaque glass than broken pearls
because i am a finger-painting they have created
because last night velazquez spoke to me in the present progressive
and told me to patch the roof with risk and intention
please accept this submission because
god help me, i have tried




JANEisnotplain 5.08

dear r: run ons

dear r,


quietly and unremarkably love you, i
practice being where i am if i invent
you i already learned a way to recollect
the major moments of happiness, the minor
tree branch, the live wings changing
how our lawn poses statu[e]s of collective
nouns imposed thus far without such various
coordinating conjunctions are not equal
to the task is being, knowing and
valuing whole this is here, so this
embedded presence defines present tense
as real and legitimate with and
without each other
one of us


JANEisnotplain 4.08


after one full month apart

untitled letter

dear –

you think you’ve pinned me.
but you haven’t. you haven’t at all.
perhaps i could do with fewer masks
but you could do with a closer, less judgmental look




copyright JANEisnotplain 4.08

4 am insomnia

4 am insomnia




the cherry of my cigarette
lies bright like a piece of soul
under the sky that is an ocean
just waiting to fall

the clouds roll lazily by
briefly blanketing the stars
smeared across the sky
like divine fingerprints

this night is cotton swabs
on lives left behind
chapters as yet unfinished in
books as yet to be written

how long it has been
since i paid attention
to the images my eyes
are shyly showing my mind

there s a space for me
in the lining of the sky
its just waiting for the day –
light

copyright JANEisnotplain 4.08



after awakening from the usual nightmare

F = ma*

F = ma*


the lines of light follow the
destination of coveted importance
reliance on the slimming derivatives
of newton’s escapism is so
far beyond cognition that
it may in fact be light years
away from chemical bound sanity
such that if nirvana came in a pill form
the reality of abnormalities
would in fact be infinite

*where F is force, m is mass and a is acceleration

copyright JANEisnotplain 4.2o.08

4.20.08 untitled.

4.20.08 untitled.

there is a difference
amid the blues and greys
the blues and reds
the black[s] and white[s]
in the yellows of day but
its difficult still
to find the ephemeral dissident
in my temporary but hopeful
abs[tin]ence

copyright JANEisnotplain 4.08

--from the 0330am revelations notebook

the church

the church

denial
hypocrisy
fetishism
narcissism
intolerance
dissociation
mental passivity
self indulgent
spreading of guilt
the denial of the body
hate for the tangible world
psychotic celebration of fabricated realms
the hypertrophy of the disembodied mind
the regimentation of free thinking under the dogma of truth
the brothels of spirit
the church

JANEisnotplain

reflected: dear e

reflected:

dear e,


we didn’t look the same after medical school.
you looked like hell. and i looked like haggard.

pieces cut and sutured from our anatomic
-ally philosophical hearts stapled to the wall in surgery rm. 8.

all the on-call shifts. and oh. all the sterile hands. i used
to look like beauty in the back seat of your.

you used to resemble a promise
passed between lips in an exchange.

and there was a time. when it was something
i believed in dry runs and secrets and all the kisses.

and all the never tells. but not now.
time for work.

as always.

copyright JANEisnotplain 12/06

on not making it to the alter with e.

about

about ….

she was always the one to
smile and softly say forever

but instead they became
typewriter keys too stiff to press
and ripped bands of black cartridges

she’s distanced her eyelashes from his cheek
but he’s still staring through her stained glass
words broken, transparent, colored

if her body was a wire she would strangle
but for the inability to wrap
her fingers around his

if she were comatose
she wouldn’t leave him like this

she doesn’t want to escape him
not really, i don’t think so

instead, she runs
and he’ll just refuse to leave




JANEisnotplain .05
completed 2.08

about k and r

to do list

to do list:

• study studies on the results of previous studies
• realize our potential potential
• stake out claims on the future
• worry about what to worry about
• democratize the USA
• demilitarize outer space
• welcome latino immigrants at the border
• bomb our way to an “endurable” peace
• change course
• move the party to a more radical center
• spread plutocracy
• recognize our deepest wants, needs, wishes
• free the slaves
• find time to clean the house

JANEisnotplain 2.08

linear circles

linear circles


in space substance is moving
this produces the illusion of error of time
moving substance is absolute relativity
where substance and movement are the same
seeing and hearing and light and sound
is linear and circular and every line is
is just the diameter of some circle


JANEisnotplain 2.08

space

space


she’s obsessed with the
concept of space and
what not enough
of it can do
to a person and i

i see the space between
shared syllables but we
can exist simultaneously
on the same plane

i am learning to re-wire
my nature with hers and
i’ve got strong hands
built entirely of ink that
hold a guarded heart

while clouds and colors
separate in the sky i wait

montreal 2/17/08, she asks for privacy while vocalizing

JANEisnotplain

WHAT
CANIDOO
RSAYTOMAK
ETH ESVISIONS
GOAW AYCLOSEMYEY
ESBUTI CANSTILLH
EARYOU SA YIT




JANEisnotplain 2.08

infinite illusion



(is)
the basis for all measurement = relativity

(and) (is)

energy + mass = absolute relativity

(is)
absolute relativity = a relative moment

(is) (and)
a relative moment = time + space

(and) (and)
time + space = form + substance

(and) (is) (reality)
form + substance = a relative illusion

we can imagine and believe that
these equations answer all of our questions
why and how, when and where
even what but,

there is no objective reality
it has been completely, discretely displaced
by many layers of deception
that is nothing more than misconception
or in reality, an infinite illusion




JANEisnotplain 1.08

dear r: equations

dear r:


who am I?
x = y

you are me
x2 = xy

you are a part of each of us
x2- y2 = xy – y2

we are less without each other
(x-y)(x+y) = y(x-y)

but, are we not each separate?
x + y = y ?

if you look beyond, we are actually the same
2y = y

and you will see who I am
2 = 1





love,

JANEisnotplain 1.05.08

reoccurring d(th)rem(e)s



there it is again,
that numbing pain,
clawing and scratching for air
but there it is again

i am so close to falling
i am so close to slipping

i am sin in its most beautiful glory
a deep dichotomy shed from pretense
i am attached to something
i cannot completely understand
and simply cannot begin to let go

you are sugar, perfect, sweet,
whispers of things i want to believe in

i ask questions in practiced euphoria
i find answers i didn’t want to hear
but there it is again

your puzzle pieces are scattered
around you pretend are not true

i am standing on the verge
of something greater than myself

love
you


JANEisnotplain 11.07

KIRA'S THESIS

kira’s thesis


nothing grows
not fruit
not flowers
nothing until…

her hand touched dirt
awakened the dead
barren to fertile
soil to soil
soil to….


copyright JANEisnotplain 9.07



R.I.P.

self portrait #12

self portrait #12



i reinvent the wheel
on my days off because
“an idle mind is useless”

but my mind tends to
insidiously torment and
self destruct in tandem

so i hide myself behind
this surreptitiously placed
cloak of pronouns and
strategically placed pretenses

i reinvent the wheel
on my days off because
using the first person really
forces reality onto my place

and the rest has already
been said before on
my days off


copy right JANEisnotplain 8/07

untitled 6/12/07

untitled 6/07


you are clad in the form you have chosen
and there is a delay of expectancy in your eyes,
the trepidation of a filly wearing a Sunday dress

but as trendy as you may appear,
you are the first one
not to be persuaded by your masquerade
i am the embarrassed second

what chimerism may occur with camoflauge?


copyright JANEisnotplain 6/12/07

on her response to my announcement

words

words




i praise words
until the sky opens
i plead with words
until lace appears
i prime words
with greasy meter
i preen words
under lines of cover
i paste words
onto absorbent paper
i present words
to men who work
i point words
at politicians
i push words
like dust across the floor
i pillage words
until they bleed
i peel words back
until they crack
i pinch words
until they squeal
i push words down
until there are none left
i press words under
until they cant breathe
i pack up my words
into notebooks no one reads
i promise my words
to no one



copyright JANEisnotplain 6/07

E ≠ i + y

E ≠ i + y



E represents to me
the sum of the
two I(s)/ eye(s)
we once had
and between them is Y
but Y has lost its meaning
a satellite, sometimes consonant
a question, an answer
lost now in the periphery
until even the E of ego
goes and leaves me
the only I.


copyright JANEisnotplain 5/07

i want

i want


i want to lick the sunshine from your arms
while drinking a glass of sun with
artificial sweetener swirls
inside of my mixing emotions

i want to smile the way you do
with tints of golden yellow daisy petals
that water glide on belief, love, hope, serenity
and stick to reflections of eye

i want to walk in dry sandals
when the earth rotates its tears
skipping over the details and heading straight
to hopscotch drawings of chalk hearts

but i falter with every other step
forgetting how to tie my shoelaces
tripping on sidewalks covered in thorns
each cut bleeding me one more step
closer to illumination?


copyright JANEisnotplain 4.07

on discussing rhonda byrne's "THE SECRET"

eloveye

eloveye

el ov
i take the L of
life
and i make it I

the L of
love
becomes I

am all

one




copyright JANEisnotplain 3.07

order by control

order by control



passion in a breath
life in a moment
seeking a truth
living a lie

staying within the lines

it is safer to accept
than to achieve
it is harder not
to believe in god

stay in line, please

copyright JANEisnotplain 2.07

untitled 12.06

untitled 12.06


impulses. (act?)
control. (vanquished?)
slow. (fast enough?)
fast. (slow enough?)
trust. (who?)
mine. (yours?)
yours. (mine?)
rules. (broken?)
fingers. (entwined?)
judgment. (impaired?)
breathe. (more deeply?)
here. (there?)
there. (here?)
move. (closer?)
lips. (touch?)
sanity. (lost?)
dreams. (reality?)
hips. (collide?)
whisper. (i love?)



copyright JANEisnotplain 12.06


for r? for g? for d?

FREYMAN'S INTEGRAL PATHWAY--revised

freyman’s integral pathway (p,q) = e-1/4 (p+q2)S[(q+ip)/ 2]/ n!

it is the incoherent super-position
of different integral faiths that
destructively interferes with the
language of quantum mechanics

often one encounters integrals
where the exponent is not purely quadratic
from the outset but rather contains
both quadratic and linear pieces

to prove this identity
eliminate the linear term
the constant factor scales a-z
yet quantum mechanics remains
fully present and flexible

[we] insert position and momentum
respectively making use of
the clear rationale behind
the resolution of vector identity

quantum particles have more freedom
than their classic counterparts

all the information about any
autonomous quantum particles
is contained within the matrix
of elements of its time evolution operator

the time evolution operator
describes this dynamic evolution
under the influence of
Hamiltonian time

H = T + V or H = E + R

where R is a positive definite
real symmetric n-dimensional matrix
and V is a real vector diagonalized by
orthogonal transformation into
E, a mono-kinetic Euclidean

as the matrix elements express
amplitude for a particle to
propagate between points
it becomes the propagator
of harmonic oscillation

in the matrix of elements
the discrete set becomes dense
over time and space becomes
a continuous curve

this smooth variation of paths
contributes significantly toward
the motivation and the application
of a limit [less] continuum

proving that u and i may be
independent complex numbers that
need not be related by the
simple conjugation of coherent states and paths integral

only by love.



copyright JANEisnotplain 1.07

FREYMAN'S INTEGRAL PATHWAY

freyman’s integral pathway (p,q) = e-1/4 (p+q2)S[(q+ip)/ 2]/ n!


quantum particles have more freedom
than their classic counterparts and

all the information about any
autonomous quantum particles
is contained within the
matrix of elements of its
time evolution operator

the time evolution operator
describes this dynamic evolution
under the influence of
Hamiltonian time

H = T + V or H = E + R

where R is a positive definite
real symmetric n-dimensional
matrix and V is a real vector
diagonalized by orthogonal transformation
into E mono-kinetic Euclidean

as the matrix elements express
amplitude for a particle to
propagate between points
it becomes the propagator
of harmonic oscillation

often one encounters integrals
where the exponent is not purely quadratic
from the outset but rather contains
both quadratic and linear pieces

to prove this identity
eliminate the linear term
the constant factor scales a-z
yet quantum mechanics remains
fully present

it is the incoherent super-position
of different integral faiths that
destructively interferes with the
language of quantum mechanics

[we] insert position and momentum
respectively making use of
the clear rationale behind
the resolution of vector identity

in the matrix of elements
the discrete set becomes dense
over time and space becomes
a continuous curve

this smooth variation of paths
contributes significantly toward
the motivation and the application
of a continuum limit [less]

proving that u and I may be
independent complex numbers
that need not be related by the
simple conjugation of
coherent states and
paths integral

only by love.



copyright JANEisnotplain 1.07

self portrait

I AM

a brush stroke of expectation
a convenient mirror cracked by patience
twisted up in bunches of flowers that
only make me weaker as i try to fill space


I AM

a rubbery poem and the figure to go with it
a shadow you make love to
in order to compose yourself
brick by riddle by brick

I AM

the kind of fire you don’t have to kindle
the flames reflect on waves
the oxygen exists by misgivings
so that every breath i breathe is forgiving

I AM

losing my grip on the graphite that
certifies the sketches in my head
a disaster of nerves battling
starlight and sunrise intentions

I AM

a model of your history
all the things you cant see
you cant remember and i can’t take anymore
just fall in scribbles collapsed on the floor

I AM

your fault

I LIKE THE WAY We...

crowds

the

faces

in be faces tw faces ee face [i]n

in

the moments where beauty is sketched on napkins
be

patience and balance are sewn in like stitches

tw

poise and posture are stapled straight to spine

ee

coyness and wit are showered like rose notes

n
muscles are tensed and breathe is held close

the
faces

in faces be faces tw face ee [i]n

the spasms of edited lines, written motives, and timed dialogue

these faces

in faces be faces tw faces ee face [i]n


are what carry

youiandus

copyright JANEisnotplain 12.06

dear r project

dear r,


i want you
(to narrate)
[my waking]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my breaths]


i want you
(to narrate)
[my coffee]


i want you
(to narrate)
[my mornings]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my breakfast]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my laughs]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my shower]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my dressing]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my song]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my dreams]

i want you to-

i choose you to-
i choose you-

too.


copyright JANEisnotplain 11.06

thisyourour-

dear r,



this-
arrangement

this-
formation

this-
commitment

your –
agreement

your-
employment

your-
subjugation

his-
foundation

his-
governance

his-
involvement

our-
acquaintence

our-
attraction

our-
passion


this-
position

this-
appointment

this-


this really is too crowded.

love,

JANEisnotplain 3.04

on this polyamorous triangle i found myself in.

dear r,

11.18.06



dear r,


you found me

the part of me
that i know little about
that can speak to you

the part of me
that you want
that seems to know who i am

the part of me
that will challenge who i was
that who that i will become

the part of me
that i can be proud of
that i want to be yours

that part of me
that
wants
you


love,

JANEisnotplain 11.06

self portrait # 8: asymptote



stack of books
six editions thick
resting on each shoulder blade
weight the pressure

grey damp road
thick white centered line
marking the margins of expectations
balance attributes accordingly charged

baking light
fire from red dust everywhere
causes eyes to cast inward
the heat of fever encapsulates

weak failing medium
un-utilized calculator
living five feet from the ground
drawn in lines of asyptotes


copyright JANEisnotplain 18.11.06

self portrait # 7: and


and she’s beautiful
and she’s unsettling
and she writes in big words
and she dots i’s and crosses t’s
and she doesn’t want to be touched by just anyone
and she doesn’t want to be seen

and she wants
to be adored
to be idolized
to be felt
to be heard
to be loved intimately

andandandand
and she is writing
and she is living
and she is dying
and she is
and

she
is

and that

is

all









copyright JANEisnotplain 18.11.06