reoccurring d(th)rem(e)s



there it is again,
that numbing pain,
clawing and scratching for air
but there it is again

i am so close to falling
i am so close to slipping

i am sin in its most beautiful glory
a deep dichotomy shed from pretense
i am attached to something
i cannot completely understand
and simply cannot begin to let go

you are sugar, perfect, sweet,
whispers of things i want to believe in

i ask questions in practiced euphoria
i find answers i didn’t want to hear
but there it is again

your puzzle pieces are scattered
around you pretend are not true

i am standing on the verge
of something greater than myself

love
you


JANEisnotplain 11.07

KIRA'S THESIS

kira’s thesis


nothing grows
not fruit
not flowers
nothing until…

her hand touched dirt
awakened the dead
barren to fertile
soil to soil
soil to….


copyright JANEisnotplain 9.07



R.I.P.

self portrait #12

self portrait #12



i reinvent the wheel
on my days off because
“an idle mind is useless”

but my mind tends to
insidiously torment and
self destruct in tandem

so i hide myself behind
this surreptitiously placed
cloak of pronouns and
strategically placed pretenses

i reinvent the wheel
on my days off because
using the first person really
forces reality onto my place

and the rest has already
been said before on
my days off


copy right JANEisnotplain 8/07

untitled 6/12/07

untitled 6/07


you are clad in the form you have chosen
and there is a delay of expectancy in your eyes,
the trepidation of a filly wearing a Sunday dress

but as trendy as you may appear,
you are the first one
not to be persuaded by your masquerade
i am the embarrassed second

what chimerism may occur with camoflauge?


copyright JANEisnotplain 6/12/07

on her response to my announcement

words

words




i praise words
until the sky opens
i plead with words
until lace appears
i prime words
with greasy meter
i preen words
under lines of cover
i paste words
onto absorbent paper
i present words
to men who work
i point words
at politicians
i push words
like dust across the floor
i pillage words
until they bleed
i peel words back
until they crack
i pinch words
until they squeal
i push words down
until there are none left
i press words under
until they cant breathe
i pack up my words
into notebooks no one reads
i promise my words
to no one



copyright JANEisnotplain 6/07

E ≠ i + y

E ≠ i + y



E represents to me
the sum of the
two I(s)/ eye(s)
we once had
and between them is Y
but Y has lost its meaning
a satellite, sometimes consonant
a question, an answer
lost now in the periphery
until even the E of ego
goes and leaves me
the only I.


copyright JANEisnotplain 5/07

i want

i want


i want to lick the sunshine from your arms
while drinking a glass of sun with
artificial sweetener swirls
inside of my mixing emotions

i want to smile the way you do
with tints of golden yellow daisy petals
that water glide on belief, love, hope, serenity
and stick to reflections of eye

i want to walk in dry sandals
when the earth rotates its tears
skipping over the details and heading straight
to hopscotch drawings of chalk hearts

but i falter with every other step
forgetting how to tie my shoelaces
tripping on sidewalks covered in thorns
each cut bleeding me one more step
closer to illumination?


copyright JANEisnotplain 4.07

on discussing rhonda byrne's "THE SECRET"

eloveye

eloveye

el ov
i take the L of
life
and i make it I

the L of
love
becomes I

am all

one




copyright JANEisnotplain 3.07

order by control

order by control



passion in a breath
life in a moment
seeking a truth
living a lie

staying within the lines

it is safer to accept
than to achieve
it is harder not
to believe in god

stay in line, please

copyright JANEisnotplain 2.07

untitled 12.06

untitled 12.06


impulses. (act?)
control. (vanquished?)
slow. (fast enough?)
fast. (slow enough?)
trust. (who?)
mine. (yours?)
yours. (mine?)
rules. (broken?)
fingers. (entwined?)
judgment. (impaired?)
breathe. (more deeply?)
here. (there?)
there. (here?)
move. (closer?)
lips. (touch?)
sanity. (lost?)
dreams. (reality?)
hips. (collide?)
whisper. (i love?)



copyright JANEisnotplain 12.06


for r? for g? for d?

FREYMAN'S INTEGRAL PATHWAY--revised

freyman’s integral pathway (p,q) = e-1/4 (p+q2)S[(q+ip)/ 2]/ n!

it is the incoherent super-position
of different integral faiths that
destructively interferes with the
language of quantum mechanics

often one encounters integrals
where the exponent is not purely quadratic
from the outset but rather contains
both quadratic and linear pieces

to prove this identity
eliminate the linear term
the constant factor scales a-z
yet quantum mechanics remains
fully present and flexible

[we] insert position and momentum
respectively making use of
the clear rationale behind
the resolution of vector identity

quantum particles have more freedom
than their classic counterparts

all the information about any
autonomous quantum particles
is contained within the matrix
of elements of its time evolution operator

the time evolution operator
describes this dynamic evolution
under the influence of
Hamiltonian time

H = T + V or H = E + R

where R is a positive definite
real symmetric n-dimensional matrix
and V is a real vector diagonalized by
orthogonal transformation into
E, a mono-kinetic Euclidean

as the matrix elements express
amplitude for a particle to
propagate between points
it becomes the propagator
of harmonic oscillation

in the matrix of elements
the discrete set becomes dense
over time and space becomes
a continuous curve

this smooth variation of paths
contributes significantly toward
the motivation and the application
of a limit [less] continuum

proving that u and i may be
independent complex numbers that
need not be related by the
simple conjugation of coherent states and paths integral

only by love.



copyright JANEisnotplain 1.07

FREYMAN'S INTEGRAL PATHWAY

freyman’s integral pathway (p,q) = e-1/4 (p+q2)S[(q+ip)/ 2]/ n!


quantum particles have more freedom
than their classic counterparts and

all the information about any
autonomous quantum particles
is contained within the
matrix of elements of its
time evolution operator

the time evolution operator
describes this dynamic evolution
under the influence of
Hamiltonian time

H = T + V or H = E + R

where R is a positive definite
real symmetric n-dimensional
matrix and V is a real vector
diagonalized by orthogonal transformation
into E mono-kinetic Euclidean

as the matrix elements express
amplitude for a particle to
propagate between points
it becomes the propagator
of harmonic oscillation

often one encounters integrals
where the exponent is not purely quadratic
from the outset but rather contains
both quadratic and linear pieces

to prove this identity
eliminate the linear term
the constant factor scales a-z
yet quantum mechanics remains
fully present

it is the incoherent super-position
of different integral faiths that
destructively interferes with the
language of quantum mechanics

[we] insert position and momentum
respectively making use of
the clear rationale behind
the resolution of vector identity

in the matrix of elements
the discrete set becomes dense
over time and space becomes
a continuous curve

this smooth variation of paths
contributes significantly toward
the motivation and the application
of a continuum limit [less]

proving that u and I may be
independent complex numbers
that need not be related by the
simple conjugation of
coherent states and
paths integral

only by love.



copyright JANEisnotplain 1.07

self portrait

I AM

a brush stroke of expectation
a convenient mirror cracked by patience
twisted up in bunches of flowers that
only make me weaker as i try to fill space


I AM

a rubbery poem and the figure to go with it
a shadow you make love to
in order to compose yourself
brick by riddle by brick

I AM

the kind of fire you don’t have to kindle
the flames reflect on waves
the oxygen exists by misgivings
so that every breath i breathe is forgiving

I AM

losing my grip on the graphite that
certifies the sketches in my head
a disaster of nerves battling
starlight and sunrise intentions

I AM

a model of your history
all the things you cant see
you cant remember and i can’t take anymore
just fall in scribbles collapsed on the floor

I AM

your fault

I LIKE THE WAY We...