TIRED

Tired

I am tired

tired of waiting

tired of saying please

only to hear no or a

monsoon of excuses

I am tired

tired of polite

tired of clean and crisp

tired of playing nice

and sitting still with

legs crossed at the knees

I am tired

tired of wearing this

circumstance like a mask

tired of wearing the ghost

of someone else’s mistakes

tired of wearing fear

like too much lipstick

I am tired

tired of rules and regulations

tired of barbed questions

tired of empty promises and

closed mouth kisses

I am tired

tired of hoping

that this isnt a lie

that this isnt a false image

that this is grey instead

of red, a spark instead

of a fire.

I am tired

I want to be free

I want to be flawed

I want to be dirty

I want to be wild and selfish

I am tired

of waiting.

JANEisnotplain 07.04.2013

dear [ ] : longing

longing


dear [  ]:

it tingles a little,
what isn't there.
and i reach out to,
and i still try to,
stroke, hold, scratch
but there is nothing
to catch but air where
your body once was
warm, giving me chills
as empty sheets move
like ghosts to the
rhythm of my long
-ing sighs.

love, 

JANEisnotplain 03312013

dear [ ] : pearls

pearls


dear [   ]:

when called a [       ]
i will not flinch. i have
heard that word already
from more [   ] mouths
and it no longer stings.

i know my sins and i am
always bracing for the
stones.

i do not make promises.
i am a promise. know that
i have drowned too many
times not to fear the water,
but i will not admit to this.

i sometimes drink wine
from a plastic cup, at night.
i am always looking for
the bottom but, never do i
want to find.

when my hands shake
in the morning, hold them.
they will be cold.

if i arrive bleeding, bandage me.
do not ask what happened.
begin repairs with a kiss.

i may ask you for things i
should not. pretend not to
notice. give easily and often.

my heart is a key
broken off in a lock.
keep it in your pocket.
expect nothing.

i am impossible but there is
such sweetness in the madness
and such symmetry in my flaws.


my love is a monster.
i will not apologize for
its mess, nor will i hide it,
either.

you cannot change me,
although you will want to.
i will not wash your feet.
i will offer no excuses.

i will never say your name
by accident. when i do, it will
sound like a prayer.

when i finally say
I love you
your body will become a
miracle, my hands, a rosary.



love,

JANEisnotplain 03252013

dear [ ] : i find you

I find you

dear [     ]:

pen in hand you

marked me with

inklings of our

shared time and

space that only

you can see.

my head is filled with

you. how do i turn to

other things when the

thought of you won’t

let me go?

i found a strand of

your hair on my bed

as i lay there in the

morning light and

wondered whether

to consider it a part

of you or just some-

thing you left behind?

but i find you in kisses,

sighs, smiles, tears,

music, silence, stories,

words, dreams, coffee,

art, tulips, and love.

JANEisnotplain 3.16.2013

FOR CLARA

For Clara:

i have no great pearls of wisdom to

spill out as gifts for your arrival and

i have no special proverb to give to

carry you bright-eyed and blameless

through this chaotic world  but ,

my wish for you is not a safe, boring, life

but one populated with the burdens of

your own choosing, some perhaps un-

foreseen,  but all naturally developing

along your road of bending slopes and

aspiring blooms as you build bone by bone,

sinew by sinew into the finest weave

this earth has known.

and when at last your path breaks up-

on the shoreline of an unspeakably

vast ocean, the terrain will meet your

steps with poetry and conviction and

you will be well-prepared to taste the

tang of the surf that will bear you

breathless into your next adventure.

JANEisnotplain 01232013

dear r: haunted

dear r: haunted

dear r:

how do i rid myself of

the aversion, the bitter

taste in my mouth?

how do the words

escape me? how

come i can’t seem

to cry?

how do i tell you that

you were a beautiful

mistake, the sum of

all my errors and faults?

how can i relate my

disappointment? or

share with you my

heartache and pain?

how is it that now,

though we are long

over, I still feel longing?

how do i say that i

can no longer love

you, though to my

dismay, sometimes

i still do.

love,

JANEisnotplain 11.4.2012

in response to a randomn communication 10.20.2012

dear r: true

dear r: true

 dear r:

it might have been better

if you wouldn’t have told

me that love wasn’t something for

those generic kerouacs but for the

silent [   ] deep inside of me

that if you were leaving it was

not because you thought my life

would be better without you

that love isn’t exclusive but

rather changes, as we do

and i wish you all the happiness

that is not mine to give

and i hope that your conclusion

of this greatest lie

isn’t what i have found

to be

true.

love,

JANEisnotplain 10.28.12

dear [ ]: I like how You want to But we have

 

dear [   ]: I like how You want to But we have

I.

I like how you

taste in my mouth

dance on my heart

gnaw at my veins

nip at my fears

I like the way

you crave me

like sea salt but

push me away

like a painful

memory at night

I like the way

we are not what

they say but we

are who we want

to be. the space

between waves.

I like running

with [ ]  toward

the edge of a cliff

unfiltered and un-

punctuated to test

this truth.

I like you with me

compelling analogies

of its complicated to

infinite possibilities

to lower fragile shields

laid bare.

I like how you

give and you take

away my crowded

expectations like life

to porcelain lips and

oxygen to my fire.

II.

You want to touch a

hypothetical temple

mid sentence with

your prickly dandelion

tongue moving up or

down between flow

and time zones of

comfort.

You want to swallow

my bittersweet blush

with the wet residue of

bent fingers dripping

emotions refractive to

attraction and chaos

hushes blushes flushes

safe?

You want to make me

forget my dialect of

defects and forgive

pointed heart beats

let dendrites bloom

intentionally reluctant

but rising after each

dream

You want [  ] to love

[  ]  [again] with the

same electricity and

the soft vibrant colors

that burned [  ] before

i held your hand as if

to drain it of sorrow.

III.

But we have become

broken and heavy. the

sheets are wet with

bits of us coiled in

softly spoken words,

light and love

But we have become

frayed at the edges to

the point where [      ]

nerve endings are

protruding from [      ]

important parts.

But we have become

everything and nothing

engaged in something

somewhere, some[     ] 

else not quite right, yet

a symphony of past tenses.

Love,

JANEisnotplain completed 7.15.12

dear [ ]: i have been

 

dear [      ]:

i have been losing sleep

wanting to be someone

who is worth the risk.

so sweet, not always so

delicate like blue paper

not so unclear.

i have been distracted.

my fists ache without

thought my knees are

unsure of their place in

your space and i am

trying to open.

i have been losing sleep

it burrows into the abyss

of the morning hours

between four and thirty

and wondering about you

feeling my heart beat.

i have been losing [    ].

love, JANEisnotplain 6.12

dear [ ] : red , hot, and blue

 

dear [     ] : red , hot, and blue

dear [    ],

i know you think that you can

peel away my soul and really see

what lies beneath its just that i am

damaged goods that even you don’t

want to carry  around so you tell me

that i am arrogant but that you care

about me you love me like a [        ]

that you want to touch inside anyway

you make the veins in my neck red

hot blue and fucked up.

love, JANEisnotplain 6.12

dear [ ]: i wish

 

dear [     ]:  i   wish

dear [            ] :

i wish you had

not said the words

but you did and i

would have too

but then i [       ]

meant them .

love, JANEisnotplain 6.12

untitled

 

dear   [             ]  :

i feel like a mouth full of broken glass

numbers written all over my hands,

as i frantically pass them in front of [   ].

this steady rain is treason on my shoulders.

it is unwelcome flattery on the back of

my neck, down the inside of my coat.

my body arches with lightening seizures

aches with space consumed by occupation

makes the world shimmery with delusion.

the sidewalks disappear inside of the

white sun emerging on delicate human

feelings taped up like faded polaroids

the laws break as [   ] touch [  ] wounds

thou shalt not but [   ] did and the tablets

crumble willingly like a shaken heart of cards.

i am sorry. [   ] said. it was a mistake

like eyes locked hands clenched lips

stained with delicate strawberry kisses.

love,

JANEisnotplain

ripples

 ripples

[  ] tossed stones at dawn

into the lake's dark water and

now the ripples won't stop.

JANEisnotplain 4.5.12

untitled

 

dear [     ]

this morning the world is that dusty light purple

that foreshadows a coming up or a going down.

the skyscrapers begin to mesh with the sky

and they are the same shade such that i can

not perceive which is which.

I am sorry.

i just couldn’t tell you [so many things i wanted to]

or do it fast enough to begin to [   ]  again

which [as much as i wanted us to open each other] is

like the opening of a new sky.

i am helpless in the complicated mess i have created.

JANEisnotplain  3.25.2012

do not touch

dear r:

i remember walking

to the park to pick roses

the sign clearly read

“Do not touch”, but you

would say otherwise

and i would carry the

rose home carefully

in my hands and love

her, thorns and all.

happy anniversary

love,

JANEisnotplain 3.8.3012

new year's resolution

 
new year's resolution

goodbye [   ]

hello new day

here's to an un-

                                              answered tomorrow 

                              
                                                                                                                JANEisnotplain 0330am 1.12.12

1.1.2012 REBELLION

rebellion. 

               its everywhere [i, you, we ] put [my, your, our ] lips.

JANEisnotplain 1.1.12

dear bukureshe: untitled 12.22.2011

 

dear bukureshe,

 never did i think i would be able to

 trust other hands with my broken heart

 and hurting soul but i found a warm and

 beautiful place beneath your coat where

 i lay my head on your chest to listen to

 your heartbeat shut out the world with

 its sweet fluttering and i began to love

 again.

Love,

JANEisnotplain 12.22.2011 @ 0400am

dear r: used 10.27.11

dear r: used 10.27.11

dear r,

You

used

to

Love

Me

well.

well,

You,

Me,

used

to

Love

to

Love

well,

You

used

Me

Love

You

well

Me

used

to

Me

used

to

Love

You

well.

love,

JANEisnotplain 10.27.2011

bukureshe

dear bukureshe,

it feels so good to

have your hands on

on my body drawing

pictures on my bare skin

with kisses they

wander lower and

your hands make a

mess of fresh sheets

your tongue between

my [  ]s and i’m close

to [   ].

love,

JANEisnotplain 8.31.2011