self portrait # 16

self portrait # 16

dear editor:

please accept this submission
not because [i]t is good but
because i am afraid of not being what they predicted
because i am a sparrow trying to fit in amongst lions
because i am more of a semi-colon than a period
because my poems are blown more like opaque glass than broken pearls
because i am a finger-painting they have created
because last night velazquez spoke to me in the present progressive
and told me to patch the roof with risk and intention
please accept this submission because
god help me, i have tried




JANEisnotplain 5.08

dear r: run ons

dear r,


quietly and unremarkably love you, i
practice being where i am if i invent
you i already learned a way to recollect
the major moments of happiness, the minor
tree branch, the live wings changing
how our lawn poses statu[e]s of collective
nouns imposed thus far without such various
coordinating conjunctions are not equal
to the task is being, knowing and
valuing whole this is here, so this
embedded presence defines present tense
as real and legitimate with and
without each other
one of us


JANEisnotplain 4.08


after one full month apart

untitled letter

dear –

you think you’ve pinned me.
but you haven’t. you haven’t at all.
perhaps i could do with fewer masks
but you could do with a closer, less judgmental look




copyright JANEisnotplain 4.08

4 am insomnia

4 am insomnia




the cherry of my cigarette
lies bright like a piece of soul
under the sky that is an ocean
just waiting to fall

the clouds roll lazily by
briefly blanketing the stars
smeared across the sky
like divine fingerprints

this night is cotton swabs
on lives left behind
chapters as yet unfinished in
books as yet to be written

how long it has been
since i paid attention
to the images my eyes
are shyly showing my mind

there s a space for me
in the lining of the sky
its just waiting for the day –
light

copyright JANEisnotplain 4.08



after awakening from the usual nightmare

F = ma*

F = ma*


the lines of light follow the
destination of coveted importance
reliance on the slimming derivatives
of newton’s escapism is so
far beyond cognition that
it may in fact be light years
away from chemical bound sanity
such that if nirvana came in a pill form
the reality of abnormalities
would in fact be infinite

*where F is force, m is mass and a is acceleration

copyright JANEisnotplain 4.2o.08

4.20.08 untitled.

4.20.08 untitled.

there is a difference
amid the blues and greys
the blues and reds
the black[s] and white[s]
in the yellows of day but
its difficult still
to find the ephemeral dissident
in my temporary but hopeful
abs[tin]ence

copyright JANEisnotplain 4.08

--from the 0330am revelations notebook

the church

the church

denial
hypocrisy
fetishism
narcissism
intolerance
dissociation
mental passivity
self indulgent
spreading of guilt
the denial of the body
hate for the tangible world
psychotic celebration of fabricated realms
the hypertrophy of the disembodied mind
the regimentation of free thinking under the dogma of truth
the brothels of spirit
the church

JANEisnotplain

reflected: dear e

reflected:

dear e,


we didn’t look the same after medical school.
you looked like hell. and i looked like haggard.

pieces cut and sutured from our anatomic
-ally philosophical hearts stapled to the wall in surgery rm. 8.

all the on-call shifts. and oh. all the sterile hands. i used
to look like beauty in the back seat of your.

you used to resemble a promise
passed between lips in an exchange.

and there was a time. when it was something
i believed in dry runs and secrets and all the kisses.

and all the never tells. but not now.
time for work.

as always.

copyright JANEisnotplain 12/06

on not making it to the alter with e.

about

about ….

she was always the one to
smile and softly say forever

but instead they became
typewriter keys too stiff to press
and ripped bands of black cartridges

she’s distanced her eyelashes from his cheek
but he’s still staring through her stained glass
words broken, transparent, colored

if her body was a wire she would strangle
but for the inability to wrap
her fingers around his

if she were comatose
she wouldn’t leave him like this

she doesn’t want to escape him
not really, i don’t think so

instead, she runs
and he’ll just refuse to leave




JANEisnotplain .05
completed 2.08

about k and r

to do list

to do list:

• study studies on the results of previous studies
• realize our potential potential
• stake out claims on the future
• worry about what to worry about
• democratize the USA
• demilitarize outer space
• welcome latino immigrants at the border
• bomb our way to an “endurable” peace
• change course
• move the party to a more radical center
• spread plutocracy
• recognize our deepest wants, needs, wishes
• free the slaves
• find time to clean the house

JANEisnotplain 2.08

linear circles

linear circles


in space substance is moving
this produces the illusion of error of time
moving substance is absolute relativity
where substance and movement are the same
seeing and hearing and light and sound
is linear and circular and every line is
is just the diameter of some circle


JANEisnotplain 2.08

space

space


she’s obsessed with the
concept of space and
what not enough
of it can do
to a person and i

i see the space between
shared syllables but we
can exist simultaneously
on the same plane

i am learning to re-wire
my nature with hers and
i’ve got strong hands
built entirely of ink that
hold a guarded heart

while clouds and colors
separate in the sky i wait

montreal 2/17/08, she asks for privacy while vocalizing

JANEisnotplain

WHAT
CANIDOO
RSAYTOMAK
ETH ESVISIONS
GOAW AYCLOSEMYEY
ESBUTI CANSTILLH
EARYOU SA YIT




JANEisnotplain 2.08

infinite illusion



(is)
the basis for all measurement = relativity

(and) (is)

energy + mass = absolute relativity

(is)
absolute relativity = a relative moment

(is) (and)
a relative moment = time + space

(and) (and)
time + space = form + substance

(and) (is) (reality)
form + substance = a relative illusion

we can imagine and believe that
these equations answer all of our questions
why and how, when and where
even what but,

there is no objective reality
it has been completely, discretely displaced
by many layers of deception
that is nothing more than misconception
or in reality, an infinite illusion




JANEisnotplain 1.08

dear r: equations

dear r:


who am I?
x = y

you are me
x2 = xy

you are a part of each of us
x2- y2 = xy – y2

we are less without each other
(x-y)(x+y) = y(x-y)

but, are we not each separate?
x + y = y ?

if you look beyond, we are actually the same
2y = y

and you will see who I am
2 = 1





love,

JANEisnotplain 1.05.08

reoccurring d(th)rem(e)s



there it is again,
that numbing pain,
clawing and scratching for air
but there it is again

i am so close to falling
i am so close to slipping

i am sin in its most beautiful glory
a deep dichotomy shed from pretense
i am attached to something
i cannot completely understand
and simply cannot begin to let go

you are sugar, perfect, sweet,
whispers of things i want to believe in

i ask questions in practiced euphoria
i find answers i didn’t want to hear
but there it is again

your puzzle pieces are scattered
around you pretend are not true

i am standing on the verge
of something greater than myself

love
you


JANEisnotplain 11.07

KIRA'S THESIS

kira’s thesis


nothing grows
not fruit
not flowers
nothing until…

her hand touched dirt
awakened the dead
barren to fertile
soil to soil
soil to….


copyright JANEisnotplain 9.07



R.I.P.

self portrait #12

self portrait #12



i reinvent the wheel
on my days off because
“an idle mind is useless”

but my mind tends to
insidiously torment and
self destruct in tandem

so i hide myself behind
this surreptitiously placed
cloak of pronouns and
strategically placed pretenses

i reinvent the wheel
on my days off because
using the first person really
forces reality onto my place

and the rest has already
been said before on
my days off


copy right JANEisnotplain 8/07

untitled 6/12/07

untitled 6/07


you are clad in the form you have chosen
and there is a delay of expectancy in your eyes,
the trepidation of a filly wearing a Sunday dress

but as trendy as you may appear,
you are the first one
not to be persuaded by your masquerade
i am the embarrassed second

what chimerism may occur with camoflauge?


copyright JANEisnotplain 6/12/07

on her response to my announcement

words

words




i praise words
until the sky opens
i plead with words
until lace appears
i prime words
with greasy meter
i preen words
under lines of cover
i paste words
onto absorbent paper
i present words
to men who work
i point words
at politicians
i push words
like dust across the floor
i pillage words
until they bleed
i peel words back
until they crack
i pinch words
until they squeal
i push words down
until there are none left
i press words under
until they cant breathe
i pack up my words
into notebooks no one reads
i promise my words
to no one



copyright JANEisnotplain 6/07

E ≠ i + y

E ≠ i + y



E represents to me
the sum of the
two I(s)/ eye(s)
we once had
and between them is Y
but Y has lost its meaning
a satellite, sometimes consonant
a question, an answer
lost now in the periphery
until even the E of ego
goes and leaves me
the only I.


copyright JANEisnotplain 5/07

i want

i want


i want to lick the sunshine from your arms
while drinking a glass of sun with
artificial sweetener swirls
inside of my mixing emotions

i want to smile the way you do
with tints of golden yellow daisy petals
that water glide on belief, love, hope, serenity
and stick to reflections of eye

i want to walk in dry sandals
when the earth rotates its tears
skipping over the details and heading straight
to hopscotch drawings of chalk hearts

but i falter with every other step
forgetting how to tie my shoelaces
tripping on sidewalks covered in thorns
each cut bleeding me one more step
closer to illumination?


copyright JANEisnotplain 4.07

on discussing rhonda byrne's "THE SECRET"

eloveye

eloveye

el ov
i take the L of
life
and i make it I

the L of
love
becomes I

am all

one




copyright JANEisnotplain 3.07

order by control

order by control



passion in a breath
life in a moment
seeking a truth
living a lie

staying within the lines

it is safer to accept
than to achieve
it is harder not
to believe in god

stay in line, please

copyright JANEisnotplain 2.07

untitled 12.06

untitled 12.06


impulses. (act?)
control. (vanquished?)
slow. (fast enough?)
fast. (slow enough?)
trust. (who?)
mine. (yours?)
yours. (mine?)
rules. (broken?)
fingers. (entwined?)
judgment. (impaired?)
breathe. (more deeply?)
here. (there?)
there. (here?)
move. (closer?)
lips. (touch?)
sanity. (lost?)
dreams. (reality?)
hips. (collide?)
whisper. (i love?)



copyright JANEisnotplain 12.06


for r? for g? for d?

FREYMAN'S INTEGRAL PATHWAY--revised

freyman’s integral pathway (p,q) = e-1/4 (p+q2)S[(q+ip)/ 2]/ n!

it is the incoherent super-position
of different integral faiths that
destructively interferes with the
language of quantum mechanics

often one encounters integrals
where the exponent is not purely quadratic
from the outset but rather contains
both quadratic and linear pieces

to prove this identity
eliminate the linear term
the constant factor scales a-z
yet quantum mechanics remains
fully present and flexible

[we] insert position and momentum
respectively making use of
the clear rationale behind
the resolution of vector identity

quantum particles have more freedom
than their classic counterparts

all the information about any
autonomous quantum particles
is contained within the matrix
of elements of its time evolution operator

the time evolution operator
describes this dynamic evolution
under the influence of
Hamiltonian time

H = T + V or H = E + R

where R is a positive definite
real symmetric n-dimensional matrix
and V is a real vector diagonalized by
orthogonal transformation into
E, a mono-kinetic Euclidean

as the matrix elements express
amplitude for a particle to
propagate between points
it becomes the propagator
of harmonic oscillation

in the matrix of elements
the discrete set becomes dense
over time and space becomes
a continuous curve

this smooth variation of paths
contributes significantly toward
the motivation and the application
of a limit [less] continuum

proving that u and i may be
independent complex numbers that
need not be related by the
simple conjugation of coherent states and paths integral

only by love.



copyright JANEisnotplain 1.07

FREYMAN'S INTEGRAL PATHWAY

freyman’s integral pathway (p,q) = e-1/4 (p+q2)S[(q+ip)/ 2]/ n!


quantum particles have more freedom
than their classic counterparts and

all the information about any
autonomous quantum particles
is contained within the
matrix of elements of its
time evolution operator

the time evolution operator
describes this dynamic evolution
under the influence of
Hamiltonian time

H = T + V or H = E + R

where R is a positive definite
real symmetric n-dimensional
matrix and V is a real vector
diagonalized by orthogonal transformation
into E mono-kinetic Euclidean

as the matrix elements express
amplitude for a particle to
propagate between points
it becomes the propagator
of harmonic oscillation

often one encounters integrals
where the exponent is not purely quadratic
from the outset but rather contains
both quadratic and linear pieces

to prove this identity
eliminate the linear term
the constant factor scales a-z
yet quantum mechanics remains
fully present

it is the incoherent super-position
of different integral faiths that
destructively interferes with the
language of quantum mechanics

[we] insert position and momentum
respectively making use of
the clear rationale behind
the resolution of vector identity

in the matrix of elements
the discrete set becomes dense
over time and space becomes
a continuous curve

this smooth variation of paths
contributes significantly toward
the motivation and the application
of a continuum limit [less]

proving that u and I may be
independent complex numbers
that need not be related by the
simple conjugation of
coherent states and
paths integral

only by love.



copyright JANEisnotplain 1.07

self portrait

I AM

a brush stroke of expectation
a convenient mirror cracked by patience
twisted up in bunches of flowers that
only make me weaker as i try to fill space


I AM

a rubbery poem and the figure to go with it
a shadow you make love to
in order to compose yourself
brick by riddle by brick

I AM

the kind of fire you don’t have to kindle
the flames reflect on waves
the oxygen exists by misgivings
so that every breath i breathe is forgiving

I AM

losing my grip on the graphite that
certifies the sketches in my head
a disaster of nerves battling
starlight and sunrise intentions

I AM

a model of your history
all the things you cant see
you cant remember and i can’t take anymore
just fall in scribbles collapsed on the floor

I AM

your fault

I LIKE THE WAY We...

crowds

the

faces

in be faces tw faces ee face [i]n

in

the moments where beauty is sketched on napkins
be

patience and balance are sewn in like stitches

tw

poise and posture are stapled straight to spine

ee

coyness and wit are showered like rose notes

n
muscles are tensed and breathe is held close

the
faces

in faces be faces tw face ee [i]n

the spasms of edited lines, written motives, and timed dialogue

these faces

in faces be faces tw faces ee face [i]n


are what carry

youiandus

copyright JANEisnotplain 12.06

dear r project

dear r,


i want you
(to narrate)
[my waking]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my breaths]


i want you
(to narrate)
[my coffee]


i want you
(to narrate)
[my mornings]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my breakfast]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my laughs]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my shower]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my dressing]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my song]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my dreams]

i want you to-

i choose you to-
i choose you-

too.


copyright JANEisnotplain 11.06

thisyourour-

dear r,



this-
arrangement

this-
formation

this-
commitment

your –
agreement

your-
employment

your-
subjugation

his-
foundation

his-
governance

his-
involvement

our-
acquaintence

our-
attraction

our-
passion


this-
position

this-
appointment

this-


this really is too crowded.

love,

JANEisnotplain 3.04

on this polyamorous triangle i found myself in.

dear r,

11.18.06



dear r,


you found me

the part of me
that i know little about
that can speak to you

the part of me
that you want
that seems to know who i am

the part of me
that will challenge who i was
that who that i will become

the part of me
that i can be proud of
that i want to be yours

that part of me
that
wants
you


love,

JANEisnotplain 11.06

self portrait # 8: asymptote



stack of books
six editions thick
resting on each shoulder blade
weight the pressure

grey damp road
thick white centered line
marking the margins of expectations
balance attributes accordingly charged

baking light
fire from red dust everywhere
causes eyes to cast inward
the heat of fever encapsulates

weak failing medium
un-utilized calculator
living five feet from the ground
drawn in lines of asyptotes


copyright JANEisnotplain 18.11.06

self portrait # 7: and


and she’s beautiful
and she’s unsettling
and she writes in big words
and she dots i’s and crosses t’s
and she doesn’t want to be touched by just anyone
and she doesn’t want to be seen

and she wants
to be adored
to be idolized
to be felt
to be heard
to be loved intimately

andandandand
and she is writing
and she is living
and she is dying
and she is
and

she
is

and that

is

all









copyright JANEisnotplain 18.11.06

confession

confession


to love a woman who is
a woman in every sense but
who acts like a man to
the woman who wants to
love the woman in her in every sense
but, i am not a man and
i know this and she knows this

she may play the part of
the shy deviant boy but
i am every hopelessly helpless boy
that i have ever dated, hat in hands
reciting sonnets under balconies,
selling proposals without diamonds
i know this and she knows this

the truth is that,
at the end of the day i am
too complicated, too introverted,
too frustrated, too scared
she is so fearless, so sweet,
so kind, so brilliant
to bring out the lover
she knows is inside me
i know is inside of her


copyright JANEisnotplain 10.20.06

NIGHTMARE

nightmare

i am running through my
nightmares wearing flip flops
and all i can hear is
breathe, flap, breathe, flap
flap, breathe, breathe, flap
across a cold linoleum floor
stacked with the smell of papers
of books, newspapers, notebooks
slouched in the flickering fluorescent lights
like next year’s junk addicts
flap flap flap flap
breathe!
and if i stop i hear the
buzzing of my PC
sitting and looking at me for answers
just the way i look at myself
just after brushing my teeth
in the morning or in the
evening after listening to
the radio/television propaganda
the semicolon weight of the words
awake!
flap, breathe, flap, breathe

copyright JANEisnotplain 10.06

modern american poet

modern american poet


i am the modern american poet
i graduated from the ivy league of the midwest
where i was taught how to use the thesaurus
and i was encouraged to use big words
to express esoteric concepts
and so i don’t really give a shit
how my art makes you feel
just as long as you think that i’m smart
because i’m so up to my
last can of tuna fish in student loans that
i’ll write anything that sells
honestly, i have no soul
but that’s ok because that may mean
that i’ll become famous someday

i am the modern american poet
i’m reppin from philly and yo
if you aint from around my way
and you don’t know how to
use yo to carry on a conversation
then you ain’t my people and yes,
i write about racism, sure
i mock your divisionist tendencies
while ironically perpetuating them
by changing my vocabulary
but i don’t really give a shit
how my art makes you feel
unless you’re exactly like me
in which case just nod your head
and show me some love because
i’m so up to my eminem album
trying to stay true to the new
hip hop poetic culture that
i’ll write anything just to
increase my street cred
honestly, i have no soul
but somehow the lack of color in my skin
doesn’t stop me from pretending

i am the modern american poet
and don’t really care where you’re from or
from where you graduated because
right now i’m like way into death
and dying and blood and
i don’t really give a shit
how my art makes you feel
because the thought of death’s icy grip
closing in on my existence right now
is way cooler than anything else and
is kinda getting me off so that
i’m so up to my black gothic attire
in angst right now that
i cant even begin to try to reach you
honestly i have no soul
and even if i did, i’d probably
sell it to the devil

i am the modern american poet
have you met my ex boyfriend who
i broke up with three years ago?
how is he? did he mention me?
did he look sad? does he miss me?
despite the tears of agony,
i think i’ll write something about
the irony of hating yet loving someone so much
i really don’t give a shit
how my art makes you feel
as long as you pass me that cover up
i need to powder over my life blemish
i’m so up to my muscle t-shirt in identity crisis
that i’ll write anything that gives me a face
honestly i have no soul
and if i did, i’d rip it out
for one more romp with my ex

i am the modern american poet
SEX SEX SEX SEX
CLITORIS PeNis, clitoris, PENIS
CUNT SEX VAGINA PUSSY
i don’t give a pussy lick of a shit
how my art makes you feel
just as long as my man hating friends
admit to still needing dick
just because.
PENIS CUNT SEX FUCK
i’m so up to my dyke duds
in rage right now that
i can’t talk to anyone who has a penis
so i’m sorry if i can’t relate to you
honestly, i have no soul
because i believe soul is a myth
spread by men to keep the sisters down
feminist clit sex
excuse my tourrettes

i am the modern american poet
i’ve tried so god damned hard
not to become cliché, and
look at me
please, anyone
just look at me

copyright JANEisnotplain 10.06

REVERANT

reverant

crucifying my thighs
nail my rusted mind
a.cross bearing
pomegranate eyes
inviting baptismal absolution
washed peace


enter through revolver
revolutionary doors
in turn all
internally integrating
the lightness of
be
-ing

copyright JANEisnotplain 10/06

LA PAZ

LA PAZ

when the violence is over
the dust settles and
the world falls apart softly
to the sound of an acoustic guitar
and if we close our eyes
and we look around
everything is still
so pretty.

copyright JANEisnotplain 8/06

strawberry kisses for r

strawberry kisses for r

dear r,

i feel like there is a roadblock in my head
like the words are on the other side
but i can’t get close enough to see what they say
because of the blurry lights and bright sounds

but don’t worry sweetheart
the patience that i wear today
like my favorite old t-shirt that’s
worn at the neck line from repeated use
will keep us safe from the cold

i hope that the smile that
just got lost in the camera flash
was one of comfort and understanding
because the kiss that i’m about to offer
will taste like strawberry flavored water

love,

JANEisnotplain 8/06

on bwiles and black and white photography

filtered cardboard canvasses


there is no proven medium
tangible enough to
pry the smoke from our lips

stifled lines of black and white
crackling with exhaustion filled moments
grasped in 35 mm high grain film

the contrast is the key
the distance between
light/ line/ shadow

protesting and proclaiming starkly
that is what we are/were
at any given 15th of a second


JANEisnotplain 8/06

STRUGGLE

struggle



there’s blood in the sink
mixed with crest
teeth on the counter
fingerprints on the crossword
a few letters scratched out and replaced
making them all fit together
like a note that
can only be interpreted
by a promethean multi-linguist
in this house of confusion
signs of a struggle





JANEisnotplain 8/06

sinner

sinner

lust
she never looked good, not enough
force her to apologize for it
objectify your objective

envy
she wasn’t like her, not enough
force her to regret it
jealousy is your justification

wrath
she was never angry, not enough
force her to recognize it
solitude is your solace

greed
she never understood enough
force her to believe it
gain your guidance

gluttony
she simply wasn’t enough, never enough
force her to accept it
hedonism is your hallelujah

sloth
you never loved her, not enough
force her to end it
cowardice is your catalyst

copyright JANEisnotplain 8/06

untitled 7.06

i wish my mind was a blackboard
and i only had enough chalk to
write poems about you and an
eraser to rub out this poetic nightmare

i am the one you see as a friend
and you are the one i thought i could never have
you are taller, smarter, tastier

i run in circles, medium sized circles
and you’re behind me but i can’t
catch up to you even if you push me

i am the one whose heart always beats
faster, nervous like the first time
i told you i love

so i breathe faster and i count quicker
truth is. i’m anxious.

you scare me. you know how to bruise me.
and i am really quite fragile.

but i can’t tell whether to slow down
or speed up or stop moving and
just stay in one spot until you find me

i need you to search for me.
i need you to find me.

i need to go back outside
and i can’t tell if the straightest distance
between two points is a straight line

or should i just go
down the spiral red slide

copywrite JANEisnotplain 7.06

LIVE BORDERS

live borders




we eat our sunsets
like anger tasting heartbeats

the edge appears slippery
wet herbs divide dark from light

JANEisnotplain 7/06

on israel vs lebanon

6.06


my smile has grown lewd with depravity
my growth does not need restraint anymore
i am fed with sour doubt and terror

in soothing words and touches of care
i have felt only poor relief from
the asperity of being and the despair of being not.

suffers the bud under the pressure of fate
to break the sprout and stretch out into the air
to grow accustomed to the confirming confinement.

because i wish to break open the pain
the ice cold blade of thought incises the abscess
perhaps that will free the pleasure?

copywrite JANE 6.06

BACK WaRd bad

BACK WARD BAD


i like to slide credit cards from
RIGHT to LEFT
which I guess is defined as
BACKWARDS
but every time i do that
the machine beeps and says
BAD CARD
TRY AGAIN!!


why is backwards BACKWARDS?
and why does it register as BAD CARD?
why is BACKWARDS BAD?

why cant both ways be FORWARD?
or better yet
why cant both ways JUST BE?
free of labels
whether BACKWARDS or FORWARDS

why?

copyright JANEisnotplain 5/06

untitled 5.22.06

23.5.06

dear---

sometimes i draw this line
and i still don’t see it yet

i jump over it precariously
while leaving no footprints
in the sand

you cannot find grains ephemerally
you will not find time burned
into future glass

please just let me know you
vicariously

please just let me catch sweet somethings
in my hand



with love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 5/06

original love song

original love song

this is no ordinary love song
this whirlwind of feelings
these pounding rhythms
we keep on moving to
which is interesting because
i’ve never quite been able to
stay with the beat until i
started dancing with you


this is no ordinary love song
this melody of emotions that
goes up, down, in and out of key
which is kind of funny because
before i started dancing with you
my timing never made much sense


this is no ordinary love song
this complicated beat of
i love you do you love me?
who will be the first to confess?
i guess that will be me
which is rather of amusing because
looking back at the score in your eyes
i can see that you meant it first

this is no ordinary love song
this group of amorous notes of
fortissimo and pianissimo
arranged in discordant harmonies
without regard for boundaries
which is ironic because
before you the rules have never
really understood me


this is no ordinary love song
this groove that moves us to
bump hip bones grind souls
twist tongues and laugh
which is good because
before you wrote the rhythm
i couldn’t really dance

copyright JANEisnotplain 5/06

FIRE

Fire



i used to play with matches/ watching them change color from orange to blue//
i let the flames dance so close to my wrists that/ i set my soul on fire//

i used to play with fire/but you made me stop//
and said that i could play with you/ instead

cracks

cracks



the drivers window slowly rolls upwards
the layers of tinting slowly peel downwards
sealing our secrets inside

now i can see
the cracks in the windshield
the glass is transparent
like his words
like his laugh

i dont know if he will ever get it fixed

copyright JANEisnotplain 5/06

untitled doubts

untitled doubts

[you can’t expect to build anything, if you don’t have the bricks to start with]



if i love you,
will that be enough?

and if you understand me,
will it just be memorization?

because distance is just
another word for commitment
and devotion is the
virtue of a slave

will you keep my soul
in a glass jar?







[everything is crumbling]

copy write JANEisnotplain 4/23/06

inventory

inventory





if:
“i” am not “you”
and “you” will never be “i”
and “i” do not expect “you” to be “i”



then:
who is “you”
who is “i”
and what has “me” got to do with IT?



© JANEisnotplain 3/06

INSECURITY

insecurity




power lines cut the sky
exposing the dark belly of blue clouds
as we walk on sun stretched bridges
you can see pieces of us
through slits in the ground

remember the day we took photos
of graffiti on brick walls?
flecked paint, ruined and misplaced?
like the bits of things you cant see

love is just a whisper
we breathe and its gone
and i’m so afraid that
you’re going to blow away

but you cant if you’re just
dried ink and tears
on a page i want to burn

i wont escape
and i wont cry either
i wonder if you realize?

© JANE’2.06

random burning man thought # 19

RANDOMN BURNING MAN THOUGHT # 19

something about the end makes the beginning all the more important

copyright JANE'06

SURPRISE

surprise


i wasn’t always looking, you know
i didn’t always know the way
your hands would feel holding mine
i wasn’t always searching for your lips
i cant justify how i managed to find
what i didn’t even think could be real
i don’t know how i knew that
it is your fingertips i need
like destiny against my skin
but even if i wasn’t looking,
and i know i wasn’t
i’m glad i found you

© JANE’06

DREAMED

dreamed

i search for you in auburn fields of fall
where paper dolls spin under red umbrellas and their
tafetta skirts made of sun rays dance across orange sky

the road there is long and weary
made of white houses that burst
so bright they are blinding and
they shoot into my retina and
for a moment i am blind from the inside out
seeing only the white future of winters
left crumbling on old sidewalks

i want to stop surviving
so that i can begin living
perhaps life is like a red carpet
that never stops unfolding and
i only know the frayed threads of
its worn edges

what it must be like to be
so far away from the end
to hold and to be held
by the fragrant winds of some
to be alive

you will still be around
when august falls

won't you?

copyright JANE 2/06

RANDOMN BURNING MAN THOUGHT #5

RANDOMN BURNING MAN THOUGHT #5

IF: bravery is doing that which frightens you
AND: you do not fear death
THEN:there is nothing brave about dying

copyright JANE 8/05

DOCTOR

doctor

doctor
i'm so sick
can't you help me?
i don't care how
just kill it, please
you've been
sitting behind that
glass for so long
looking in my eyes
taking notes
sacrifice me
i don't care

your dynamic touch
is a small price to
pay to end these
incessant dreams
that worm their way
spreading deeper
and deeper until
i can appreciate
their collective pulse

and anymore
i feel so sick
doctor
just fix it
cure me
change it
make me as
sterile as your
white lab coat

there's something
wrong here, doctor
it's been too long
and they won't take me
broken like
this, doctor
fix me

please

copyright JANE'06

Living Dead

Living Dead


beep beep
keeps the heart pumping
its not the lungs that
give or take the air
or the muscles that
never seem to quit

it’s the doctor
with the beady eyes
the rimmed glasses
and the fear of dying
that keeps the beeps alive

copyright JANE’05

Tripping Paranoia

Tripping paranoia



don’t let her see

i’m lost here
words tucked under my tongue
i look for her but
she moves away toward
a hand on the back of my neck

warm fingers search
for art brought up alone
holding self, exposing only the thicker
skin this complex enigma
alone i am in love
so wonderfully beautiful

i am unveiled words
nude like a graceful body
with a scar that travels forever
flowing, going deep
under my skin

you pry me open
when i meet you in
your big brown eyes i see
restless intricate mist cowering
in the corner of a brilliant mind

don’t let her see

copyright JANE ‘1/06

RAndom Burning Man Thought #6

i see things i am hearing.

copy write JANE 8/05

untitled 01/03/06

like clock work
tick tock tick tock
molten mania
leaks through cracks
in [my] concrete walls
soft pinks
choked off by
orange lava
irons of irony
until the lines
between the lines
no longer seem as sharp

what color is the mode of perception?

copy right JANE'05

Kris & Rozz

Kris and Rozz



she sings in smoke filled room
and its like hearing two songs at once
but its just noise because
there’s too much being said
when no one is really listening

behind her
he tightens c(h)ords
in search of music and veins
injects, lets go
as god enters her mind

they are/were
a portrait of
affection and dying
adorning the walls of
a crumbling building
labeled “for storage”

she knows that
no one else can
love her like this
with such abandonment and rage
with desperation that
begs for her touch, her gaze
whatever fragments she might
dribble his way

they pretend they
will grow old together
slipping through gaping holes
without walls to which
to nail themselves
they hang
themselves
from stars

copyright JANE’05

I KNOW WHY

I KNOW WHY



i know why you stay(ed)

not because you want(ed) to
but because there is/was this tug
of words not said
and love that was never given
to people not noticed but starved
in the hands of those
who didn’t deserve it
gorging themselves on something
except your kisses which
should not have been wasted
on turned, blushing cheeks

you stay(ed) because

you ache(d) to know that
you are needed for
hands, thoughts, desires
slipping into hearts and feelings
and the want in the middle of the nite
for the push, the pull
beneath sheets, between legs
that tells you that
you are loved

and yes,
i stay because
i know you

i am in love with you

copyright JANE’05

Random Burning Man Thought #37

Random Burning Man Thought #37:

pain is the unbearable side effect of the lesser known.

copyright JANE 8/30/05

Random Burning Man Thought #15

i am just shadows on your mirror

copyright JANE 8/30/05

Random Burning Man Thought #2

man created god in his image
as a refledction of his manic greatness

therefore: since all men are NOT the same
the outcomes of their ignorance on the universe
have given way to a plurality of gods

AND, if the universe has alwasy existed
then we dont need a god creator
man is god
god is man

copyright JANE 8/29/05

random burning man thought #10

random burning man thought #10

(in)dependence like this is dangerous.
but, i love being under your (in)fluence.

copyright JANE 8/31/05

randomn burning man thought # 20

believing in god is like standing in the rain without motivation to go inside and keep dry.

copy write JANE'8/05

liNeS

lines


there used to be just
two lines and then
came a third and a
triangle inevitably formed
into a shape that hurt [me]
so much that [i] don’t even
want to go back to two lines
[i]’d rather just be one



copywrite JANE05

pink dream

pink dream


the small pink man
turned me quick to glass
so that when the rectangles
cracked with little effort
my ducts simply ran
with great speed
into the desert land
away from the promises
of liquid blue subways
and peach pathways
and then found openings
that now dot my embarrassed
bright pink face


copy write JANE05 at burning man 2005

YOM KIPPOR

YOM KIPPOR

copy write JANE05

we all walk around so concerned
though most carry a relaxed open mouthed blankness
that layer is a liar and we all have scrunched up faces

we are all trying to sort our punctuation marks into cubbies
square pegs terrified of references to circular similarities
because originality has us by the throat

we attach sentiment to things that we love
that weren’t given with the right to do
because such dishonesty makes us feel warm

i try NOT to scrunch up my face
when walking past a tin man
basking in the sun

i try to believe that it is the sun
hitting the reflective metal that
makes his face shine so brightly

i try to believe that everyone loves him
and waves at him except the few of us
who can hear him rusting because of proximity

so at night i tear a ligament
pout, turn off the light and go to sleep
on a bed of knives for punishment

repentant

SCHIZOPHRENIC LOGIC

sChiZOphreNic lOgiC


dear you:


we sit
every i and me
competing molds of ego and id
interrupting, intersecting
intervening, intertwining
binding me
and i

we sit
every i and me
to be all and end all
cannot be neither
with or without
either me
and i

we sit
every i and me
gazing nihilistic shades of
black traces blue
on static gray discontent-inue
-ity me
and i

we sit
every i and me
covertly converting conversant
electronic environments
exchanging binary
waves co-sine
undesirable tangents
connect me
and i

we sit
every i and me
babbling by the book
lost prophets took
silence still revolving
around wrists locked
securely to me
and i

we sit
every i and me
in the last conservative row
of the congregation
praying under our breaths
god bless sedatives that
make smiles stretch
between me
and i

we sit
every i and me
three plus three equals
sensibility resides in
tri-fold brochures
on how to
make love, on war
to free all
of me
and i

we sit
every i and me
needs an antidote
to the free floating “i”
will unwrite itself
in here
in forms
of more than
meets the
of me
and “i”


help me.

Signed,
© JANE’05